Infidelity creates a space for intense, real emotions to be expressed. Infidelity can happen in happy marriages as well as troubled marriages. The majority of infidelity occurs as the result of problems that already exist in a relationship. There are many reasons for infidelity ranging from sexual addictions, to low self-esteem, relationship dissatisfaction, or the social context. Generally speaking, people do not step out of a committed relationship without what is felt as “just cause.” The underlying reason for infidelity comes from a lack of connection with the core of who you are. This is being expressed as infidelity in a relationship.
Sex addicts can crave and become anxious from the lack of intimacy. Multiple affairs are due to the high from beginning a new relationship to the addiction to sexual orgasm. And many times after sex addicts come down from their high, they are left with feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Now and days, the lines between platonic friendship and intimacy are being crossed unintentionally. People are finding the emotional support that is lacking in their marriage in their friends. The feeling of being unheard, uncared for, neglected, unappreciated is a manifestation of the lack of self-nurturance. Therefore, they are in search of filling the void . This can easily be interpreted by the attention and affection given from a friend. Before they are aware of it, the lines of friendship have become completely blurred.
The pressures of work and family life can also be the cause for infidelity. With men and women working to maintain household income and balance family life, intimacy many times takes a back seat. Financial obligations and budgeting come before affection. The need for security and stability is the priority. The wellbeing and the attention may also be spread out amongst children. By the time intimacy is even thought about everyone is too tired to even make an effort.
The truth of the matter is that Love takes Work. That is why it is called making love. We have to work to make love work. When both people make the commitment to their selves and each other to make love work, then the relationship can be rectified. Realistically, Infidelity is never about the other person. It is about you. Each person must go within and fulfill the void that they were in search of externally. The infidelity has proven that they are incomplete within their selves. This is why they are unfaithful. It began with low self-esteem, lack of attention and nurturing of one’s self. The expectation that someone else can fulfill the void within is too much to rely on in one person. So re-committing to taking care of you can fulfill all the aspects that one was seeking externally. And once recommitted to self, the love that you have cultivated within can be shared with your partner again. Each person must be willing to forgive themselves and each other. They must be willing, open and honest about what caused the infidelity.
The good news is that with commitment to yourself and your partner, relationships can survive and even thrive after infidelity. It is a long journey to healing, but when both people are genuinely open to reconciliation, the relationship can be rectified and stronger than ever before.